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The Apprentice – Episode 1

March 25, 2009

Today’s task: To clean stuff (cars, shoes, windows, people  – seriously someone did suggest that)

But first a name had to be chosen. Usual hilarity ensued, the boys came up with Empire complete with references to the British Empire, much to the amusement of one Asian candidate whose name I cannot remember but have noted him for his expansive beard.  The girls chose Ignite because they intend to set the world on fire (or each other I couldn’t tell).

Then came the choosing of the project manager (PM). Now I always think you have to be careful here because its the first task, if your team loses, as PM you are likely to be fired because basically you have no rep and easier to hang responsibility on the team leader. Anyhoo after much to-ing and fro-ing, Mona (Tanzanian beauty queen – no really) is PM for Ignite and Howard (vampirish geezer, does something with pubs I think) is for Empire.

The task itself seems pretty basic but there is not much planning or thought mainly by the girls who are intent on setting each other on fire by sheer force of personality and tone of voice.  Also both teams are not very good at cleaning. In the end the boys win on profit, though the girls made more money.

In the boardroom: Mona, Debra and Anita

Anita who looks a bit like a potato, though it has to be said she looks a damn sight better on You’re Fired, was fired this evening for poor business thinking, allowing the team to spend nearly all their budget and for being a bit wimpy in general.

Fair, yeah probably especially as the other two in the boardroom, Debra and Mona were right gobby ones, Debra more so, Mona kind of faded out near the end as she contemplated her doom.

I quite like Mona. Initially I thought oh no, all mouth and no substance, especially when she vitually called a client a liar to his face but she came through eventually. I still not sure about her though, she seems to protest too much and I didn’t like the way she spoke to some people. A little abrupt.

Debra on the other hand I don’t like, she could well be this year’s Jenny ‘Chin of Shame’ Celeria, as backstabbing and confrontational as she is.  She blatantly should have gone but survived on account of her gobbiness and potential (yeah I said it). She could be a contender.

Onto the boys. Team leader Howard is not only scary looking but a bit whiny not a fave at this point. Had the boys lost he would have definitely have gone. Philip his would be nemesis looks a bit like John Terry, was quite amusing if a bit unintelligible. Also a potential backstabber.

There is also, weirdly, a science teacher on board who I think is going to be really  annoying, I’ll call him RibenaBerry for now because I can’t remember his name and because he was bouncingabout in his seat babblingabout something.

Err who else, there’s an American woman called Cream Puff (again name escapes me). To be fair she did describe herself as such. I think she might struggle with the British reserve but then she probably won’t care. Good on her! And there’s a woman who keeps harping on about her 1st class degree. She’ll come a cropper in front of Sir Alan if she keeps playing that tune. All the others were fairly unimpressive or just not distinctive enough for me to take note but that will change. Until next week, which I believe involves making food. Recipe for disaster in the mix!

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